Sunday, July 29, 2018

My Monday

Ugh, I’m so done! I’m done trying, done caring, done, just so DONE!

My step-dad is mad at the world, and apparently I’m the center of the world, since I’m getting the brunt of his anger. He went to his mom’s for her birthday, and blessed her out, then came home and behind my back, told my mom I had to go…Only I have no where to go. I can’t work, and there is no way I can live on my own with out a car, or income. My grandma isn’t an option since I become super depressed and unstable, and Food Stamps says I have to work 2 hrs, but if I work, they say out combined income (me and my grandma’s disability) is too much, and won’t give us anything, only my grandma has loads of loans and there is no food money.

Plus, my mom is the only one who can help me when I’m unstable, and my step-dad is trying to take her away from me and my grandma. He is mad that my mom tries to take care of my and my disabled (70 year old) grandma, when she is also disabled. My mom has auto-immune disease and can’t do much, but she is the only one who can drive me and my grandma around to pay bills and go to the store.

Vocational Rehab isn’t doing me any good. My case worker doesn’t seem to know what she’s doing, and doesn’t understand my needs at all. The tests were enlightening, the Psych exam results said that I have an IQ of 108 compared to the norm 90-91, but that I am ’emotionally fragile’ which is 100% accurate. The Vocational test says I need to avoid retail, food, factory, and nursing, which is pretty much the only thing offered in my area. My strongest thing is plant/animal work, but that requires schooling. Both work and school are big triggers for me, since stress makes me cycle and I rapid cycle, cycling between manic and depressed. Vocational Rehab wants me to move to Knoxville, which is known for it’s high crime (murder and rape) rates, and really bad storms. I don’t have any family anywhere around Knoxville, and I have no desire to go to the University of Tennessee (A large, ‘party school’) to be a Veterinarian. I want to work in conservation or wildlife rehab.

I do want to go to school, but I’m worried that it will be a repeat of Carson-Newman where I was so stressed and had chronic migraines. I want to go to LeesMcRae but since I owe CN I might have to go to a community college first.

I don’t know. I just…Ugh, I’m so ready for answers and a break-through.

No comments:

Post a Comment