Sunday, August 20, 2017

Shower Thoughts...

I learned something today, about myself, and how it's reflected in my writing. As some of you might know, I started NaNoWriMo's camp last month. I was doing good for a few days...then just quit. I had no muse, and while I like my characters, I didn't like where they were headed.

I now know why. I was trying to write a children's Christian fantasy like Narnia, well with dragon riders and such (Eragon meets Narnia 😉) but that's only half of the truth. While I am a Christian, and enjoy a good Christian fiction from time to time, I also enjoy characters who are less than perfect, who see themselves as monsters, and yet go out and kick butt because people need them to! Because this is how I often feel. While I am Christian, and know that there is a right and a wrong, being bi-polar I often feel like nothing I do it right, and that God's Word wasn't talking about me. That things I've said, or thought, or felt were too much, too bad, too dark, too twisted for God for forgive. Then I remember that God's love defines me, not the other way around. I am a child of God, but I also have a darkness inside. A part of me that I will fight with every day until His return. While I don't have to fight alone, it's my choices, my decisions that define who I am in this life. And I choose to fight for good, and truth, because my brother and sister look up to me, and my mother has always fought by my side, God's angels surround me, and His blood flows through me.

So while I am Christian, and do live my life for God, I am also human, and my writing should reflect that. So from now on, I plan to work on characters who are good, but who are fatally flawed in a way that I can relate to. No, that doesn't mean all of my characters will be based off of me, but that I want to make characters who are more than words on a page, I want them to be real, to me if not to anyone else. I want them to take on life of their own, and to tell me their story, in the intimate whispers of a lover, and to the fierce battle cry of a warrior. I want to know their story, as I find a way to tell mine. So while I will still likely have Christian influences in some of my stories, I'm not going to try to write Christian fiction, but instead I'll write the stories of characters who need their stories told. People just like us, who try every day to be good enough, and yet fall short, only to get up, and try again.

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