Monday, June 26, 2017

My Monday #4 (Slight trigger warning on this one)

Another week down, and looking forward to starting another one!

Last week was hard for me. Many of you don't know, but I suffer from Bipolar I and while it's normally controlled, I have my good days and my bad days. Last week...was a bad week. I was an emotional wreck, and while I did get a good bit of reading in, and a few trips to town, I felt pretty much useless, fought with a good friend, and basically made a mess of things.

I'm doing better this week, and managed to do damage control this weekend, but still I hate having these struggles, and it's never fun having to clean up after they pass. It also affects my everyday life, to reading, working, friendships, etc. all suffer when I have off days. That being said, I mentioned a possible date last week...well he's the friend I ended up upsetting, and while we worked things out, we both decided to take a break from dating for a while and just stay friends.

I'm not looking for pity or even understanding, that's not why I share these things so openly, but just the opposite, I want to be open so others who deal with similar things can know that they are not alone. I am the oldest of three kids, and from day one of diagnosis, have decided I want to be someone they can look up to.  I often feel weak, broken, and utterly useless, but I do so honestly. Yes I have parts of me that even my family don't see, but I let them see that I am trying, that while I am broken, I still try to get back up and put the pieces back together. Last year I ended up taking medicine for my condition, and ended up dangerously suicidal. While I ended up going to the crisis center for help before I was able to attempt it, it all became suddenly real to us as a family, and I realized just how quickly things can spin out of control. My little sister deals with panic attacks, and has since she was 5. My brother has autism (a condition all three of us show signs of), and we all deal with varying levels of anxiety. For them, as well as for the friends who have come and told me about things they were dealing with, I choose to be strong, and if you ever need someone to listen, I am here for you.

As far as books, I finished two books this Sunday, and will have reviews up soon! Rise of the Enifs review should be up today or tomorrow, Ash and Quill comes out July 11, and so I will post that one then. I'm currently reading three other books, One Dark Throne, The Alchemists of Loom, and Mercuria, so hoping to have reviews for them by next Monday. 

ODT and AoL are amazing, and I'm so excited to be able to share my thought about them soon! Mercuria is taking me a while to get into, but has potential, so I'm still hoping I end up really enjoying it too! 

I hope you all had a great week, and that you current read it amazing! Feel free to comment any questions, thought, or book suggestions down below, and thank you for reading!

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